The Healing Power of Storytelling
Story, as an ancient practice, is a way to connect those with differing opinions, values and practices. It’s a means to connect people within communities and a way of passing on wisdom to further generations. The opportunity to sit and listen to someone bare their soul is not only a gift for the receiver, but also the storyteller – The story is an inter-relational dance amongst the power of emotions connecting those who are willing to experience ambiguity and vulnerability with a sense of intrigue and changing the lives of all involved. To share one’s inner emotions and to be felt and to be understood makes this thing called life feel less lonely and increasingly expansive. This uncensored stream of words and emotions flowing from the unconscious brings increased awareness of the inner workings of the soul to both the teller and the listener.
As a blossoming adult, intently focused on becoming an expert in how the mind works, I continually approached the crossroads of not having the answers for “fixing” the pains the plagued those I cared so much about. Internally, my heart ached and my mind searched for a remedy of the pain the person experienced. Over time, I realized my job was not to focus directly on the outcome or take away the pain. The power of presence, truly listening and accepting the pain, fears, and uncertainty that were being expressed was much more powerful than being the expert with all the answers. By asking questions and then telling pieces of the story back using my own words I opened a space for a revising of the story one holds. When a person’s story turns into complaining it can be more damaging than good. So an important part in healing is asking the how and why for the feeling and looking more deeply at the process. What we think happened shifts and changes as together we discover more complex truths. The sharing of emotions and adding meaning behind the experience lightens the weight or burden held by one person and creates a greater sense of agency and belongingness for sharer and listener. We release ourselves from the shackles and become the master of our life.
The stories we tell ourselves about who we are, where we came from, how we look, our successes and failures, and how we’re treated have an imprint on how we perceive the world and respond the new circumstances. Yet, our stories can change like the tide. An ebb and flow with the currents of life. Our reflecting upon trauma, love, loss, pain, …. is needed to heal from, learn and re-story our experiences, giving us a new refined perception of the flower that blooms after the fire and ash. How often have you told yourself,” I’m not good enough” or “I should be doing, feeling, and acting another way?” These are all stories; stories that hold us back from just being ourselves and embracing life. Sometimes we don’t recognize what we are doing or are too ashamed to let the rest of the world in on our secret. Yet, facing our demons or shadows is a major step in letting go.
The most powerful stories are those of joy, gratitude, humor and love. We have power over the stories we tell ourselves. Emotions are contagious and positive emotions can help shift fears and blues into states of adventure and bliss. When we find a space for humor, joy and gratitude we create beams of light that cut through times of darkness. Humor is a complex style of resilience, a way to face a world that at times borders on the absurd. Humor helps us see more of our humanity and realize that the world is not always as gloomy and serious as we may portray it.
Thanksgiving is a great time to embrace the sharing of stories. Siblings sharing their different experiences of growing up in the same household, spouses talking about their own upbringings, exploring changes that occur as you grow older, and reflecting on major events of the past are all ripe areas of interaction in storytelling and re-storying for continued growth. I’m an thankful to those who have shared their stories with me over the years. Your willingness to open your heart lends to my heart breaking wide open. We help others rework their own stories by fully engaging ourselves in another’s sharing of their deep suffering. We help break the barriers of silence and disconnection and find a new voice of strength and perseverance. Healing comes in many forms, but first we must be willing a fully engage and experience the initial pain. What transpires may surprise you. I know it does me. Another’s story changes me and helps me feel more connected with those I share in this thing called living.
